Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
