She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
