I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
