I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
