I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize