btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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