Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
