dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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