just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
