Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
