you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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