I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
