I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So squirting runs in the family.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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