sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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