so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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