Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need water and some morals
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
