stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
