You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
