I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
