the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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