Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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