This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize