So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize