hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pooping to opera.
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