Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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