I am midnight drunk by noon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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