Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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