So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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