Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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