I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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