She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize