This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
