you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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