i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
