My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
