I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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