Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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