your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
