And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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