There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
