Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
