guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
