if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
