forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize