I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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