i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
