i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
