hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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