I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
