She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
