You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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