If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
