This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
