we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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