okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
