honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
