Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
