Don't make out with my wife yet
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
