My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
