I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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