if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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