i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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