How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
