He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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