Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
