Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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