Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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