can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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