Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
