I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think my moral compass just broke
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
