she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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