just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize