I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
