So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
