When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
