just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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