so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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